Story of Guy #2

And now to make things really complicated.

The basic facts:

Guy #2 is also married.

Guy #2 was technically around before guy #1 was a part of the picture. (So...technically guy #2 should be called guy #1, but we won't go there.) We had our own passionate affair a few years prior, and I actually started seeing Guy#1 at least in part to help myself get past Guy#2. Guy#2 and I see each other much less often since I actually fell in love with Guy#1. But he never entirely left the picture or my thoughts.


Guy #2 is in many ways simpler to deal with than guy#1. For one thing, he actually loves his wife and there has never been any question about what our relationship is. We might fantasize from time to time to time about what a parallel universe could have been like -- but there are no illusions that anything will ever happen in this one. To his credit, he seems to feel guilty about seeing me -- something guy #1 doesn't seem to have any issues with -- which I've always found a little disturbing.


Guy #2 is the only person with whom I feel I can be truly honest with. Well, with the possible exception of my feelings for him himself, which would just be too uncomfortable to say aloud, but even there, I'm sure he knows what they are.


In that one sense, I'm actually much closer to guy #2 than guy #1 -- just the very acknowledgement of our duplicitous nature and the fact that we are able to share that very secret other self with another person is very intimate.

But it's an extremely different dynamic than with Guy#1. We're very different from each other.

You see, Guy #1 is practically my twin. We never have to humor each other's interests because we love all of the same things. We get excited about the same movies, the same music, the same sporting events, the same politics. We finish each other's sentences and always know where the other is coming from. If the Newlywed Game were still on TV, we would totally kick ass. He thinks I'm funny, and if I goof up and say something retarded, he gets me anyway and thinks my stumbling is cute.


Guy #2 and I have a level of mutual respect for each other, but we are in many ways from different planets. We have very little in common in our lives. I am nervous and insecure around him in a way that I don't often find myself with anyone, and I'm sure that everything I say is misinterpreted.


What's weird is that we at one point had an incredibly witty banter between us -- but somewhere down the line, forgot how to do it. I think that maybe when he and I were in the thick of our most intense period, I spent more time morphing into the kind of personality I thought he'd appreciate, (it pains me to say that because it's something that little girls do and I like to think I'm happier with my own personality than that, but it's probably true,) and then when I finally did start being myself (something I felt much freer to do with Guy#1,) I didn't know how to talk to him anymore. I'm not sure. I don't remember putting on any sort of act -- so perhaps it's just who I am that has changed.


I can tell you that the following has happened at least twice: G2 tells a subtle dry joke. I'll give what I think is a witty sarcastic reply, but something is lost and he can't tell that I'm joking. Consequently, he thinks I'm too dense to know that he was joking, and feels obliged to explain the original joke. Consequently, I desperately want to explain that I actually understood him perfectly and that it is he that didn't get my joke -- but by this point I just look pathetic and decide that the flaw must have been in my delivery and that anything I say is going to make things worse, so fuck it, I'm a moron. Aaack!

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. This incidental frustration aside, I suppose I like that he intimidates me a bit.

In many ways, he's smarter than G1. Not that G1 is a dolt by any means, but part of the reason why I'm so relaxed around G1 is, I suppose, that he is very non-threatening to me. I view G1 as my equal. G2 on the other hand, I think is a bit smarter than me, which is much more intellectually challenging.

I also care for him a great deal. As I said, I don't have any delusions, but we've shared some very intimate moments together, and not just in the sack. Maybe someday I'll talk more about this. Maybe not.

For now though, I will talk about the aforementioned in-the-sack portion. You know that thing I said before about the wet panties? All he has to do is say "Hiya, Babe" on the phone, and I need to go masturbate. The sex is always on fire.

I haven't seen him in many months, and I'm supposed to see him soon -- which I suppose is what has prompted all of this writing. Although I am filled with guilt, it is all overwhelmed by the image of him on top of me. I am a hormonal maniac -- like a teenager -- and I can't think straight. I can only think of him fucking me silly.

More later.